I cannot feel diminished more sometimes when I realize that all I have comprehended and all that I’ve understood continues to be questioned. My theology, my knowledge, and really my epistemology, continues to be broken into pieces. As I continue down this journey into truth, into developed reality, I still feel an overwhelming push outside my understanding. My cognitive thoughts of things are so feeble, are so lost in translation, and utterly perceived with an on-looking that is an optical illusion. As I thirst for truth and long for stability in knowing the so called “unknown,” I feel broken inside. A sense of emptiness that arrives at my inability to comprehend this cosmos and this Theistic figure above and his interaction with the world which I reside. Where have I come from? What truth have I learned? Why is it that I become the very thing that I don’t wish to aspire to become? With these questions come the journey to venture toward the truth. And this truth or reality I know to be out there is beyond my grasp, but I still journey to find even a piece of it. Some minuscule apprehension would be vastly worth dying for, and better yet, living with. This is where I am at, this is why I write, and why I read. My study of theology is not to compile more information to prove to the world that I am smart, or have some fancy letters after my name. But it is to know truth, the truth that exists in this world. A truth set up in systems and mathematical formulas, that do at best a piss-poor job at articulating and even vocalizing what this truth is. Like the X-files, I feel as Mulder often did, with placing an X over his window hoping for some revealing of truth…and as often portrayed in the show, “The Truth is Out There.” With all of this so called monologue, I wonder do you feel the same?
Why is it that we find so many people so sure of life and knowledge, yet on the inside I know they don’t really know, they don’t really comprehend. Why is it they stay so stationary in their life? Why is it that they do not question things? Why is it so sinful to question God, when a large aspect of scripture has this? Even Jesus himself questioned the religious dogma of the day. What will it take for Christians to stop being so convoluted in thinking they have it all together? Why are things ordered the way they are? Why is it so many Christians remain in their holy huddles attending church a few times a week thinking they are living a pleasing life to the Creator? What truth is that? Is sacrifice better than obedience, by GOD NO! We have been called to be in the world, so live in it! I feel time has never been more appropriate for Christians to escape their so called “truth,” and step out and experience God. Your worldview, your ideology, your theology, has been shaped by so many, do you even know why you believe? Do you have to be a Baptist? A Pentecostal? A Presbyterian? etc…have have we become so disillusioned about what really matters, that we would rather fight about certain preferences? Is Jesus the way or not? Ok, well then we agree, lets move along…imagine if Christians coalesced together in solidarity, but also in questioning the ideals of Christianity today…no in the sense of soteriology or other major doctrinal issues, but on the journey of questioning and being real with world, that yes, we don’t get it all either. I think this truth is what needs to be taught: truth that knows Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life; but being real with the idea that this whole God thing is actually really, really, complicated. Open up the dialogue to the world, saying, “We don’t have it all together.” This truth might actually set us free, but also in part set the world free to see Jesus, instead of a religious group of know-it-alls.